I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
