Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
