I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
