11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
