that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
