My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
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You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
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I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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