Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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