There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
