She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
