I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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