I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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