i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
