dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I puked a lego.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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