i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
