sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
