dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
