Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
