Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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