My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
