I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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