Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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