dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
