come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
