once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
