oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
