so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
