How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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