I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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