i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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