I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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