He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
