he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
