is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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