We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
