I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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