Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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