I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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