so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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