She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
