so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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