tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize