i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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