I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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