You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
