I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i love accidental penises.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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