i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My cat gives me a boner
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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