I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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