conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
