i wish my penis had a tongue
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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