shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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