help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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