It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
