my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
