So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
there is glitter all over my balls
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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