What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
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dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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