No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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