every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
