if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
