Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
