I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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