is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
