chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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