Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We need to get me chipped asap
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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