my sisters under your porch take her home
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
