idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
